Realizations

After reading my friends Blog today it has inspired me to use this page exactly how it is meant to be used. The unedited, whole-fully true, painful, fun, realistic life I am living now. My name is Alyssa Emily Dooley and I signed up for this blog so I could anonymously post the worst kind of feelings I was having over a heartache. I think it would be best to tell it how it is, I'm talking R-E-A-L-I-T-Y, people! I know, I know, shocking right? How much of us really have a grasp on reality anyway? 

A close friend of mine had written about how today love has become this Catch 22 that none of us can really "catch". As I talk to more and more people about love, I am confronted with the same reminder that I am not alone. She fell in love at sixteen, with a fiery passion and things didn't work out for some reason, and that flame never burn out....sound familiar? I think we all have that "one" person who never really leaves our hearts or minds, but are they what is the BEST? I have recently been toying with the idea that maybe those first loves are there to remind you how you should be treated, remind you what it feels like to let go and jump head first unaware of the outcome, and the rush... the pure and utter joy when he catches you. To remind you what "love" feels like. But my problem is that we are NOT together now...why? Is it because we met too soon, is it because we met at the right time but that there is someone better for both of us, is it because we were meant to meet and grow apart to realize there is NOTHING better out there for us, but each other, were we meant to have the fairytale, heartache included? Or was he the mold to set for someone to fill the void better. Is better possible? 

Listening to my ranting reminds me of a movie that seems to put it best...."Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."  ~ Gigi from He's Just Not That Into You.

So in conclusion to the confusion maybe it isn't about living life looking for our happy ending, but instead living our life and looking at what is right in front of us... and the happy ending will unfold before our eyes. I will leave you with yet another favorite and least favorite quote of mine "What is meant to be, will be"

Little Girl @heart 

Alyssa Emily