This has been the mantra in my head for the last two months... I feel like I have settled in my life. My mom always told me "Alyssa, just remember don't settle" I am now beginning to realize EXACTLY what that means.... I took a step back for myself for a little while after being so unhappy (which I am sure was apparent) and I realized that I am where I am because I eventually settled.
Greg and I moved in after a year of dating (and breaking up twice...uhhhh red flag?) and I thought well, thats convienent, I can move out of my parents house, yay! (not that I dont LOVE them :) ) and we've lasted this long, what could happen??? Not so thought out. But in all reality I loved him and to think about him leaving was unthinkable, things were going so good. And here I sit in that very living room of said apartment alone while the boy sleeps... I stopped fighting and things went to this... an odd limbo of mixed twisty feelings 50/50, 40/70, 30/60 unhappy/happy....it varies. Which is kinda odd for me. I generally tend to be a happy person.
I have settled on my eating choices, and gained more weight than I ever have :/ (hard to admit)
I have settled in my schooling, which put me behind at least a year
I settled, settled, settled.....
NO MORE!!!!!! I am happy to report that I am no longer settling (for what I can) I am taking charge of my eating habits, started Nutrisystem 2 months ago and I am starting to feel great, I notice certain things, feeling different in certain places (shoulders, etc) I know I am no where near my goal (60 lbs :oO) YIKES... but I am getting closer. Not sure on the exact amount because our scale broke (getting one tomorrow :) ) But I am feeling GREAT!
As for my schooling, I can say that I have decided on a major, NURSING! and I am working really hard to keep motivated and acctually finishing something I dreamed of... Anatomy is tough but its fascinating and exciting all at the same time! (that much closer to being a nurse) I can proudly say that after about 48 hours of studying (not all at the same time) I have successfully memorized all the bones in the human skull and vertebral column (whoo hoo) and we start disecting a cat in about 2 weeks. Im actually REALLY nervous about this... I keep going back and forth, its so educational and I WILL learn by seeing the big picture, the puzzle put together...but they were once the same loving adorable cats that I snuggle with and play with everyday. They lived a full life, right??? and even if they didn't they would STILL be dead, in that class, being used for education. right??? see my dilema?? But other than the unforfortunate educational expirience that I am so looking forward to, school is up to par!! Plan is in motion and it feels GOOD!
As for the love life.... Its staying on hold for now... we signed a lease until April and we will live here until April (except for extreme circumstances, highly unlikely, don't worry) we will take it a day at a time and see where things go....
Looking forward to the challenges ahead, and just praying that I can hold on tight and hit my contentment head on. To push myself to be happy, to do the things that I need to... Hope you take a little from my ramblings, take a little time for yourself every once in a while, but make sure to keep your eye on the prize :o)
The little train that could,
Alyssa Emily ;oD
